I kissed a spider today

In a manner of speaking.
Moving some old boxes on the porch revealed a couple of large spiders. There was a trim-end-sized chunk of 1x4 lumber nearby, so I recruited it as my handy arachnid two-dimensionalizer. The first, and smaller of the intruders was dispatched with relative ease. The second had a surprise in store for me. Bringing the lumber swiftly down upon its abdomen, I was rewarded with a "pop" noise that would have been better suited to the kinetic action of the worlds largest pimple. The resulting innards spay, while nearly escaping my direct observation, assaulted another of my senses as one of its globules impacted my lower lip.
It was wonderful.