Monday, August 08, 2005

Breaking News: Yankees steal from Canucks

Late last week, in a daring operation that was apparently orchestrated and funded by the state of California, a squad of American troops infiltrated Canadian soil. Their objective, water.
The crack tactical team that was led by those cheesy dudes from the 80's American Ninja movies, crossed the border at night onboard stealth-equipped helicopters. They repelled into the trees just North of Cherryville BC, and rendezvoused with a group of enslaved Scottish engineers that had just surfaced from a freshly dug tunnel. The tunnel, that stretches over 600kms from the Northern edge of California to the Shuswap river, was lined with a massive 22ft dia PVC pipe. Retired ninja actors and muddy Scotts worked together to make the final connections, rerouting the flow of the river below Sugar Lake into the pipe. They then destroyed the old Hydro dam, allowing the lake’s entire contents to drain into the opening.
The tunnel is still defended at this end by the bulk of the Ninja team, all sporting nunchucks and M-16s. Several attempts have been made by local Mounties and the Canadian military to retake the river… but every advance has been repelled by threats from the Americans to override our communication satellites with broadcasted re-runs of 90’s sitcoms Full House and Family Matters.
BC Premier Gordon Campbell was unavailable for comment, citing a previous engagement with a bottle of Rye. However, the office of Prime Minister Paul Martin did release this quote for the press: “They’re Americans, Californians no less, this isn’t the first time they’ve stolen from us... and undoubtedly won’t be the last. But what can we do about it? Complain to NAFTA? The UN? They'd obviously find in our favor, but it’s never made a difference in the past so why should it now?”
Governor Schwarzenegger had this to say about the matter: "I'll be back, for what's left of your hockey players."

Sugar Lake, before and after.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

interesting post. I would love to follow you on twitter. By the way, did any one learn that some chinese hacker had busted twitter yesterday again.